September 11, 2012

Scared little fears

Yikes.. It's been a while. Almost seven months, to be precise.

From my perspective it's almost like I'm dusting off the pages of a thick novel that I started more than two years ago and am trying to pick up where I left off. This blog has taken an array of directions, starting off primarily as a travel blog then morphing into daily news analysis, and now it's just trailed off with a...

Any number of excuses will suffice as to why I haven't kept this blog up, but none of them can really do justice to the fact that I love to write, and I've been denying that love for too long. So, here goes.

(Insert nervous blank stare at this part of the screen for at least five minutes)

The truth is, I'm scared to write. 

I'm scared that I don't have anything interesting enough to share.

I'm scared that my style of writing is unoriginal.

I don't want to waste your time. 

I'm scared that no one will relate.

I'm scared that I won't succeed.

These nervous, fleeting thoughts are what have paralyzed this blog and plummeted its readership for the great majority of this year. These thoughts have grown and multiplied like infected cells and before I could even recognize it, my confidence in the one thing that I love to do most was sitting on the floor, broken and whimpering.

I'll bet you have that one thing in your life that makes you both grin and cringe at the same time when you think about it. That dream you had (or rather, have) that seems too impractical, too complicated, too insurmountably challenging to actually implement even though you know somewhere in your soul that it's the right thing to do. 

It could be something simple, like committing to that once weekly yoga class, or finally learning at least two or three chords on that guitar you bought without knowing how to play. Or it might be something bigger: business ideas, travel plans, career changes, lifestyle goals... whatever your little gem might be, it deserves to be noticed.

The spiral of self-doubt and negativity is a tough one to avoid, but I'm starting to realize it's better to acknowledge it, feel it, and move on from it than to deny its existence. Only by taking the time to recognize all of the reasons (note reasons rather than excuses -- they're different!) why I wasn't writing in order to actually start clicking away at this keyboard. 

You should try it, too. Whatever idea or dream it is of yours that you've been denying. Go ahead, grit your teeth, and take a tiny step, you don't have anything to lose.

This blog entry is just one simple little move towards something bigger. I wish I could the Farlang Lady is going on more foreign adventures, but you'll have to wait a few months. Regardless, the blog is back. The dust has been wiped off. And I'd love for you to re-join and come along for whatever strange little life my words may take -- you have my promise that I will certainly always keep things interesting.

Cheers; it's been far too long.
improve. think.


  1. It's been too long. Your style of writing is anything but unoriginal and your thoughts are very inspiring. I'm excited to follow you on your journey towards something bigger!

  2. I feel the same way sometimes. Intense desire to write, but no feelings of any reason to do it. I don't want to feel like I'm wasting anyone's time, or even to act under the presumption that anyone even WANTS to waste their time reading anything I have to say. I don't really know what the answer to the question is, if there even is one.

  3. I happened back across your blog today, and am so happy to see you're writing again! I followed many of your posts while you were in China, and will continue to do so again... I love hearing what you have to say, and you inspire me!