August 3, 2010


I've been back in Fargo now for 36 hours and feel no better or worse than I did in the airport in Denver.

I now know that I would have been detained in Hong Kong for not having a return ticket or proof that I wasn't staying for more than our planned two weeks. It helps knowing for sure that it's a blessing we decided to stay stateside. But it doesn't help me decide one way or another what I'm supposed to do now.

Thankfully my brother and his wife have a comfy bed for me and a full pantry for me to eat from, but I don't feel comfortable here. This isn't where I'm supposed to be. I'm having a difficult time facing my friends or wanting to talk to anyone at all. 

I still want to go to China. I do. But I'm burned, badly. I do not want to get on another plane until I know for sure that everything is going to work out once we arrive. I have dozens of questions for my employer, and if they can't answer every single one I'm not going. I refuse to go through what I went through on Sunday all over again.

We're in negotiations with our employer now and I should know by Monday if we're going again or not going at all. 

I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss. I have to make the most out of whatever decision I make and opt out of looking back with regret. Already this situation has taught me how to finagle the most complex of airline scenarios on the fly. So that's a positive, yes?

Hmph. I want my luggage back. I only have one clean pair of underwear left, but luckily I have a hodge-podge of clothes that got purged from my suitcase last minute. I'm using up the sample products that I had reserved for my travel plans post China. Hopefully it'll arrive in Fargo tomorrow. 

What a strange state of mind I'm in. It's disconcerting.  Uncomfortable. And I'm doing everything I can to not feel sorry for myself and try come up with a positive solution. C'est la vie.

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